My thoughts are hazy.

Sleep last night was interrupted.

A premonition of sorts?

Maybe just a reminder of what needs to be done.

They say it's all about the timing of things.

Is there ever a right time or perfect timing?

More often than not, one just has to trust.

Trust in the not knowing.

Trust in the uncertainty.

Best of all, trust in him up there.

Somewhere in the sky behind the haze,

Someone is watching over me.

This I trust 100%.

In the South of France.

Second time around, the love gets stronger!

Thousands of miles away, her mind is able to switch off from reality.

Her heart beats with excitement each waking moment.

Oh! how the smell of the ocean invites delight!

There is no ending, only beginnings.

Struggling to break free from a toxic work life, 

I've forgotten what a quiet moment sounds like and feels like.

Staring at the window and watching the sunrise,

Today I find myself sitting at my work station alone.

Alas! this moment of silence reminds me of my core.

Not all is lost, just at a standpoint in between crossroads.

The next steps are beginning to clear.

I have a secret to share.

Does sharing defeat the meaning of the word Secret?

How about?

I have something to share but please don’t tell anyone else.

This would work right?

Keep it to yourself?

Ok here goes…

Where I live I volunteer for an organization called Crisis Line.

It’s a free, anonymous and confidential hotline that one can call for help.

We are a group of trained and certified volunteers that assist in potential suicide callers.

One can call for other counseling needs but mainly the purpose is for suicide.

All volunteers have pseudo names to maintain confidentiality.

I am sharing this for a few good reasons.

One is, paying if forward.

I’ve been so blessed in my life, my goal is to help others.

A few years back, I stepped down because of work.

The organization called out for help and I came to the rescue.

Despite my toxic work schedule I find time after work and on weekends to man the lines.

Work has not been smooth sailing.

It takes up all my time and beats me down.

I whine and complain and often think of throwing in the towel but a hidden force stops me.

I’ve lost balance but when Crisis Line reached out for help with volunteers I quickly raised my hand.

I said to myself, “what in heavens name are you thinking?  You’re already exhausted and you still want to volunteer time?”

While work zaps all my empathy and turns me into a monster, Crisis Line allows me to shower people with unlimited amounts of soft skills.

From 7am to 5 pm I am a monster at work putting out fires.

I get home, settle in and go online.

Nights on duty turn me into an Angel in disguise.

Just like that!  Jeckell and Hyde, Black and White, Devil and Angel.

I am amazed I haven’t been diagnosed with schizophrenia!

Bottom line?

I am unhappy at work, however, I continue to work because I know that deep down there is good reason why I am at work.

What makes me tick?  It’s knowing that I am able to help someone in need. A phone conversation of 30 minutes turns lives around. 

My listening hear brings hope to a caller in despair.

My voice brings laughter after the tears have been wiped dry.

My cross?

How I wish I could find the same amount of satisfaction earning my keep as I do when I don’t earn my keep.

So there, it’s out in the open.

I haven’t written in a long time because of this secret that technically is no longer a secret.

At least here at the green room, I’ve let go of a vulnerable secret that I know will remain a secret.