Virginia M Macasaet

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SELF-TAUGHT PAINTER - LIFE BLOGGER - KITCHEN GURU - AVID KNITTER - CRAFT BEER & COFFEE LOVER Solo Exhibitions: 1998 – Virginia’s World – Color in Life 1998 – Blessed Beings in Virginia’s World 2010 – Wind, Water, and the Blue Moon in Virginia’s World 2012 – Lost in Kyoto in Virginia’s World  

In HIS Image and Likeness

My father was a very good provider while we were growing up.

He made sure there was more than enough to meet everyone’s material needs.

Up until college, we were all educated in the best schools.

In marriage, he provided each and everyone of us with a home to live in.

I do not recall any of my material needs ever compromised due of his lack of providing.

 

My father is now 90 and to this day I live a very comfortable life because of him.

I am eternally grateful.

This is the image and likeness of goodness and generosity I grew up with.

It took me a while to understand my mother’s angst.

I often wondered where her unhappiness stemmed from.

 

My father was a hard worker and a dedicated provider.

As a child I understood that was all it took to be a good man.

I could not see my mother’s loneliness.

She craved for nurturing and conversation.

She wanted so desperately to have rapport with someone.

 

My mother was desperately lonely.

She took very good care of us and the home but she was all alone in her marriage.

I, unfortunately did not fare well in my own marriage.

I guess I didn’t have the right role models to look up to.

No regrets, no blame, just stating a fact of realization.

 

I have come to realize that HE too is the likeness and image of my father.

HE came into my life with a grand and generous plan.

A material plan that consisted of a home and all the comforts money could buy.

Naturally, I thought I had won the lottery and love was on my side.

Until the cracks began to show.

 

The initial rapport turned into silence.

One day out of the blue, it just became less and less.

HIS presence faded so quickly, the only thing lacking was an obituary.

One moment HE saved my day and the next HE was absent.  

Not gone, just not available.

 

Still I loved HIM like I love my father.

I was in awe with HIS generosity of wealth because growing up it was my security.

HE no doubt, would have provided the best for my girls too.

But I think in the end, I too would have become a spitting image and likeness of my mother.

Lonely and alone in a home filled with material possessions.

 

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Integrity

From Merriam-Webster, the simple definition states:  the quality of being honest and fair.  The state of being complete and whole.

 

The full definition states:  Firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values, incorruptibility.  An unimpaired condition, soundness.  The quality or state of being complete or undivided.

 

Hmmm. All I know is that I was and am not and will never suffer or give up my integrity for anything or anyone.

 

Integrity is who I am.  It’s what makes me tick.  It’s what gives me strength to look myself in the eye every waking morning when I see myself in the mirror.

 

Without question, my integrity cannot be sacrificed.  I am unable to perform optimally if otherwise.

 

As I share my story… the first comment that usually comes out is… “you would have eventually left as you are not the type to compromise on your integrity.”

 

Yes, absolutely right!  No matter the cost or how painful, my integrity is non-negotiable.

 

I told a friend today, “I hope that the next time… I will be able to see clearer and sense better …”

 

Recent Comments
Rosy Cole
'Next time....' Seeing clearer and sensing better, is, I have learnt, a matter of prayer and listening Our wants and our deepe... Read More
Monday, 24 October 2016 09:55
Virginia M Macasaet
Thank you Rosy! A comforting way to end my day ... this side of the world. Love and Light!
Monday, 24 October 2016 13:18
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A Forgiving Heart

Forgiveness without a question and answer portion is not easy.

 

To forgive another person’s silence is doubly hard.

 

The hardest for me is forgiving myself.

 

For trusting 100 %.

 

There was no reason to doubt.

 

So I thought…

 

I truly believed all the signs that manifested in my favor.

 

I sat in silence and prayed.

 

And when God answered fairly quick, there was no need to second guess.

 

So I thought…

 

I overlooked a fine line in my prayer.

 

I trusted the process.

 

My excitement took the better off me.

 

I lost my balance, my self-worth, my integrity and my dignity.

 

Much as I would have desired to save a good cause.

 

I guess my cause wasn’t good enough and worth saving.

 

In the end, I only had myself to forgive.

 

A humbling journey that awakened me.

 

Slowly but surely the wounds are healing.

 

As I begin to put myself out in open space once again,

 

I trust and I keep the faith.

 

After all, vulnerability must come with forgiveness.

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Live and Learn

They say the learning never stops.

Once again fate has hurled me to the other side of the fence.

I have to admit I never saw it coming.

 

That was one hell of a blind curve.

All the years of hard work and effort to stay centered fell right through the cracks.

I had nothing and no one to hold on to but myself.

 

One day it all came to an abrupt halt.

I had to do something to save my soul.

There’s only so much coldness one can endure.

 

The silence deafened me to no end.

I couldn’t cry a river even if I wanted to let it all out.

Then without warning, one of the hardest decisions I had to make in a long time just happened.

 

And then it all came rolling down like an endless stream.

Tears of pain, tears of sorrow and disappointment.

I had to swallow it all no matter how hard it was to digest.

 

So they say keep moving forward…

Who knows what tomorrow may bring.

Everyday is a work in progress for me.

 

Maybe one day fate will be kind to me once again.

And I will have the strength to give it another shot.

If only to master the learning that never stops.

 

Recent Comments
Rosy Cole
You are in my prayers, Rina. When this happened to me, I did see it coming - the complexities were lifelong - but it was equally d... Read More
Wednesday, 10 August 2016 09:23
Jane Phillipson Wilson
Rina, Everyone I speak with lately has been experiencing uncertainty - some to a greater extent than others. I don't know what pa... Read More
Wednesday, 10 August 2016 12:52
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