While my daughter stays in isolation, I have the luxury of puttering around inside our space.

I am blessed to have enough space and a balcony to breathe.

I am blessed that the convenience of help and online services is abundant.

However, there is more than dealing with covid illness.

Although I am well, I have to admit, my spirit is not so well.

It’s difficult not to worry.

My sleep is good only because I’ve had to pop a sleeping pill.

Otherwise my mind would be awake all night.

Devoted catholic that I am, prayer does not seem enough.

I think more than worry, it’s this feeling that one’s world has gone haywire.

I think of my parents and wonder how they coped with WW2.

I think of 9/11 and wonder how those trapped inside managed to survive.

I sit in silence breathing deeply, sketching, writing, watching films online.

I prepare the daily meals and try to get a bit of exercise before the day ends.

Come sunset, I feel better knowing that I’ve survived another day.

I look forward to lying in my bed, reciting prayers of thanks and watching films until I fall asleep.

Surrender and faith play key roles in this pandemic.

So many thoughts running in my mind, I hope I can write them all down with ease.

Covid has landed in my household.

I have to admit, it frightened me.

Thank God for vaccines and boosters.

We all had our jabs.

Still, it scares me.

Eldest daughter has mild symptoms.

A scratchy throat is what prompted the testing.

One out of four turned out positive.

Three of us show no symptoms at all.

Stuck at home to ride out the tide.

I am grateful it’s not a serious hit.

Just the discipline of riding out the wave.

Glad I’m a home person.

I can deal with quarantine for number of days.

However, I must admit that I am struggling with my mind.

The thoughts that come to surface stress me out.

The what if’s.

When will this end?

I have to be strong and block off thoughts about dad.

I can’t see him and hold his hand for now.

Thinking about this gives me a headache.

Sleepless nights tossing and turning.

I’m not sure actually what I am fretting about.

I do wish the tide mellows and this ride comes to an end soon.

My dentist, Dr. Lee fills me with his kindness.

Genuine human kindness.

He takes his sweet time, conversing while working on my teeth.

When done, he continues on chatting and sharing stories.

He doesn’t rush. 

I find myself rushing to get out, but with Dr. Lee talking, it’s hard to end the session abruptly.

I’ll bet he spaces his patients with more than enough time in between for conversation.

The warmth he exudes is so genuine and deeply humbles me.

I felt this need to write about him as this allows me to celebrate his kindness.

My sisters and my daughter say the same thing about him.

“Dr. Lee is the best!  He is such a kind man.”

Can I please have your hand?

Thank you.

Tears well in my eyes.

There is no adjective to describe how grateful I am to have blessed moments with dad.

Every visit is a bonus. 

Though it’s like ground hog day with every visit,

He no longer talks much except to ask for one’s hand to hold.

Every visit though no more than a couple of hours is always a fulfilling moment. 

Precious.

He listens to his favorite tango music that keeps him calm and lighthearted.

Lately, he’s been looking for mom again.

It’s been 12 years since mom passed away.

Makes me wonder if he’s getting himself ready to let go...