An Independent Woman

A petite slip of being, she cries because she can’t remember.


It’s a flash, a dry crumpling of her expression in the middle of an exertion, a bullet to your heart and mind when you see it and realize her dismal state.

Sometimes the flash is a series of strokes, giving a false impression of one drawn flash, but they’re small flashes piling together to create an illusion.

She’s all about illusions, the illusions she’s being brave and strong, the illusion she can hold on. She calls others crazy and weird and confesses sometimes those are the words others use to characterize her. She’s articulate and then lost, intelligent and then fumbling, happy and then sad.

She confesses to secrets about abusive alcoholic parents, bankruptcy and a chaotic upbringing, and attending college, graduating and working in hospitals, but it’s the untold confessions that titillate. She shares her art, coming in to show her paintings, and she discusses her programs, like Downton Abby. She shuffles when she walks, a torn piece of yellowing newspaper, trying to remind everyone she is still human.

She’s in a good mood today, chatting about the work she had this week, the precious work because it’s extra income and her income is so, so small, backtracking to clarify and elaborate, to find her way again after tangents lure her from her points. A cold, hard gaze answers when assistance is offered. She doesn’t want assistance from anyone. She can use it but she won’t take it. No.


She is an independent woman. Her name is Carol.

1390 Hits

Big Data Analytics

I spent time at work this morning reading big data analytic results. I should add that it’s time like these, when I’m being paid to read and think and nobody is bothering me, that I enjoy my job.


Some of the results I read were surprising, challenging assumptions. Ex-convicts make very good call center employees. Where you went to college is not a great indicator for business and professional success. Going to college and finishing are much better indicators.

I don’t know the words for all the things I read and discovered today. Knowledge can become very specialized very quickly. For example, I told my wife about the ex-convict results. Yes, she replied, but can they be trusted with credit card and personal information?

Her response is probably a modern response and I believe it’s typical. I think it’s some sort of transference. American society generally doesn’t trust ex-convicts. They broke a law and were caught and sentenced, therefore, we’ve proven they can’t be trusted. We have also demonstrated that some percentage of convictions is wrongful, numbers that vary by crime and geography, numbers influenced by race and sex. And more people in America are being sentenced for victimless crimes, such as possession of marijuana and other drugs purchased for personal use. We also have evidence that the monetization of penal institutions influences conviction and incarceration rates. Judges and DAs have been caught taking kickbacks from the institutions where they’re sending the convicted.

That highlights the differences between what data analyses can demonstrate against what people believe. I constantly encounter it on my job and weary of explaining the numbers and trends and again. We are people, though. Besides being capable of logic, we’re emotional. Once emotions color our perceptions, it seems difficult for us to drain those colors out.

The problem with acquiring knowledge is that it stimulates my thinking. That’s a lazy way of stating it. Acquiring knowledge and thinking more aren’t issues. Neither is being stimulated to think more. The problem, perhaps, is that I’m frequently perceived as a thinker but that many of my ideas and insights are difficult to follow. I know, it’s my issue, a matter of how I take that information and what I do with it – but I am a thinker, you see – but I’m also insecure, thin-skinned and emotional.

Anyway, I wondered after reading these big data results. I’d recently read that JPMorgan has decided it will only accept applications for analysts positions from Ivy League schools. That reduces their application pool and the subsequent work load to hire new employees, yet I wonder how this flies in the face of the big data results and whether JPMorgan is setting itself up for paradigm failure. I wonder if they’re yielding short term gains for long term losses, saving money by reducing their pool and hiring people fast, but losing money later because better analysts actually go to schools beside Ivy League institutions.

I wonder about how small businesses can be served by big data analytics. I saw numerous ways in which they can, from location and the name to wall paint color and décor decisions to hours, the music being played, and the services and goods being offered. Big data takes money. It’s not an easy process. But I think small businesses could benefit, especially in a place like my small town, where businesses come and go like migratory birds. My answer would be for the small businesses to form a consortium with the goal of having a big data analytics conducted on the businesses and the local economic/environmental influencers.  They could then share the costs. I imagine that as an economic project, loans and grants from the different governments could be found to support such a project.

Of course, I write novels and mull the frustrations of finding publication, creating a brand, marketing myself and my products and earning a living from the pleasure of writing. I mull what big data analytics would show about fiction publishing, especially in this age of self-publishing and digital publishing. One issue constantly encountered is that agents, editors and publishers seek what they enjoy but also try to follow market trends. I’d love to see big data analytics take on the subject.

Writing science fiction, it’s pleasurable toying with big data analytics and human events, like falling in love, committing crimes, finding work, illnesses and death. Isaac Asimov, one of my favorite classic hard science fiction authors, did a terrific job of using big data and analytics in his Foundation series. His scientists predicted a mutant outlier that would cause problems….

 (Aside – I sometimes wonder if my company actually employs big data analytics as much as it could, for surely that would tailor all their sales and marketing efforts and their new product requirements instead of demanding we present business cases and marketing plans to support launching new products and services….)

Big data analytics can’t quite predict everything, then, but the delta between what can be analyzed and what evades analysis is shrinking. I consider myself an artist. I imagined, drew, and painted long before I began writing. I designed cars and interiors and exteriors, and painted and drew in multiple mediums, turning down some small art scholarships to attend college to go do other things. I didn’t know ‘what I wanted to be’ and lacked the insight to realize that learning more would help me understand myself and my desires. I thought, perhaps because that’s how the instruction was geared in the schools I intended, that the goal to schooling was to graduate and find a job and earn a living. Scoffing at that, I joined the military. Problem solved, right? I had a job and I was earning a living.

Eventually I discovered I wanted to try writing fiction to express myself, and here I sit. As an artist, I think some fragment of being human will always evade analysis, a conclusion I share with many thought leaders in AI, robotics and automation. The one thing that can’t be predicted or duplicated remains the human imagination, for now. Some bold new paradigm may be emerging on the horizon, though, that will change that as well.

So, maybe someday some artificial intelligence will sit down to write like crazy and create fiction.


I’ll keep trying, though, for at least one more day.

1719 Hits

I'm A Feminist, But....

I have experienced prejudice and discrimination.  As a white middle class man in America, it hasn't happened much.  Three times that I can remember while serving in the US Air Force, one or more black people acted against me because I was white.  

I wouldn't say the incidents mean much.  Three times in 58 years plus of living isn't a pattern.  Each time, too, other blacks in the group jumped to my defense.  Each time, I thought it was one person having a problem with me because I was white.  I've experienced the same a few times at the hands of women who discriminated against me because I'm male, and Muslims assuming I'm a Christian. I'm not a Christian.  I'm an atheist.  I think I've experience more true discrimination and hatred as an atheist than as a white or man.  I think the most open and accepting groups of people I've ever experienced are gays and lesbians.  None of them have ever discriminated against me because I'm straight.  A few gays were willing to try to convert me.

I am a feminist.  Apparently hot speculation is swirling about whether female stars in all arenas are feminists or not.  New impetus was injected by Emma Watson's UN speech because she declared herself a feminist.  

I'm a feminist but it's under the larger umbrellas of equalist and humanist.  Everyone should enjoy the same rights and protections is my position, full stop.  People surveyed don't always agree.  Many think they're being cheated of their rights and suffering discrimination because of the rights and privileges being shared with others.  According to a recent Pew study, 50% of white evangelicals in America think they're facing a lot of discrimination.  There are stories of Christians being turned away for their views or opinions...sometimes.  Few have been shot for their skin color, which I think is stronger form of discrimination, especially if those shooting you are the people you pay to protect and serve you.  I haven't seen any polls indicating that white evangelists are being paid less than their peers, you know, as demonstrated conclusively through detailed studies about women, blacks and Hispanics in America.  I haven't been able to find any stories about white evangelicals being denied the chance to marry their chosen love, as we've seen happen to gays and lesbians.  Few evangelicals are showing up beaten or murdered because of their sexual orientation.  

You'd think, though, that if white evangelicals believe they've been suffering discrimination, they would empathize with others facing discrimination and push for more equality and attempt to treat others more equally.  I haven't read much about them doing so.  Maybe I'm reading in the wrong places.  

Or maybe they're not pushing.  Surveys often show that black men don't support equality for women. Catholics in America think they suffer discrimination.  So do Muslims, who may have a stronger case than Catholics, if you can believe the Internet's reporting and search engines.  

It's easy to claim you're a victim.  Understanding why someone thinks them a victim and untangling the nuances of words, looks and gestures to establish a timeline in most arguments isn't clean or easy so others shrug and walk away, accepting that maybe they were a victim, maybe they weren't.  Police cameras mounted on dashboards and uniforms are starting to tell vastly different stories about what the police and the victims said.  It's not always the victims who are lying.  But when an armed officer declares himself in fear, basically stating they're a victim, and starts shooting, their results can be much more drastic.  

Each time I thought myself a victim, it was because I couldn't fully comprehend what was happening and why.  Regardless of my earnest efforts, I can't quite escape my bubble of existence.  That bubble, no matter what else occurs, has been created because of who people perceive me to be - white, male, middle class, liberal and American.  But their perception, no matter their actions, does not need to be the end.  Their thinking that they know what shapes me based on their perceptions and assumptions does not mean that's what shapes me.  

I need to remember the same.

1605 Hits

Latest Blogs

A friend recently reminded me of the power in kindness when she asked, what makes an urban area kind? My first thought was, how can an object or mass...
The other evening, my wife and I went for a stroll along the Thames Path  not far from London's Chelsea Harbour and stopped to sit awhile in a  deligh...
“I was inspired by the marvelous example of Giacometti, the great sculptor. He always said that his dream was to do a bust so small that it could ente...
Over the years, I’ve written about some of life’s certainties — birth, death, time and change. You can guarantee we will all experience those things. ...

Latest Comments

Nicholas Mackey A life in trees
08 August 2020
Thank you, Rosy for reading and commenting.
Stephen Evans The Lessons of Gurnemanz
06 August 2020
Interesting -thank you! have to see if I can find those books. The Osiris story is in my Emerson p...
Rosy Cole The Lessons of Gurnemanz
06 August 2020
I read this today in Eliot's notes on The Wasteland:Not only the title, but the plan and a good deal...
Monika Schott PhD Expectations
03 August 2020
Rosy, I'm so touched by your beautiful description of my writing, it's never been described in that ...
Rosy Cole A life in trees
02 August 2020
Trees have such awesome vigour and staying power. There's a silver birch, fifty or sixty feet high, ...