I wish I had the courage to say all this to you.
Having been there, I do remember that to try and shed some light at the wrong time will only make matters worse.
It truly is difficult to be happy for someone you don’t see eye to eye with.
I get it. It’s not easy to be happy for others when you aren’t in a happy place yourself.
It’s hard to embrace the good things that happen in other people’s lives when you’re stuck in unsettled ground.
Negativity loves these scenarios! Jealousy, envy and distrust.
The deeper the conflict the darker one’s vision gets.
Seeing becomes so distorted making it virtually impossible to entertain any form of good. Appreciating positive events just does not suit you.
When others are celebrating you’re keeping your fingers crossed waiting for something to fall apart.
The minute you get wind of any bit of news no matter how small and inaccurate, your perception sees it as a wonderful negative affirmation of your feelings.
It took me a while to realize this.
I know better now.
Much as I’d like to believe your stories, I’m sorry I can’t.
Your perception is quite far off from genuine reality.
I wish that one day soon you give yourself a break and allow for light to set in.
Just a little at a time is good enough to clear the blind spots.
It may take a while to gain back 20/20 vision but anything is much better than total blindness from reality.
You’ll eventually feel less fatigued, less agitated and less irritable.
It is my hope that you begin to notice that it’s not just work that bogs you down.
It’s all that constant subconscious whirling of ugly thoughts inside your head that depletes your energy without you even realizing it.
Trust me on this. It’s what imprisoned me and kept me from living a life of peace. Even my sleep was tiring! I see that in you now.
The negativity just whirls you around.
For a while you think you’re fine and then by day end you’re back in that deep dark hole.
It’s hard for me to listen to you. I’ve had to put the phone away from my ears when it gets repetitive.
I wish I had the courage to tell you this. I know you drink and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying your wine.
But when you’re unhappy, the alcohol has a way of creeping in on your vulnerability clouding what little is left of your good judgment.
Yes, you do like to believe it’s truth and courage, but I on the receiving end hear otherwise, loud and clear.
Frankly, I hear garbage talk.
I feel sorry for myself because I have to grin and bear your ugly side in silence.
I feel sorry for you as well because at our age, who wants to be stuck in an ebb of distortion?
I prayed this morning asking God to enlighten you. I asked God for forgiveness because I’m a coward that lacks the good heart in being honest with you.
I don’t want an argument anymore between us.
I choose silence for now until you come around.
I will continue to listen to you with the hope that you eventually snap out of the cycle.
Bless your journey. I know you’re “alone”.
May you choose to live a life of peace and quiet over and above the negativity that seems to have found a comfortable home inside of you.
Once you leave the reception area in Yad Vashem and start walking toward the dreaded unknown, you first encounter several small trees. Those are the threes in honor of the Righteous Among The Nations.
In my youth there was no doubt in my mind that had I lived in the time of the Holocaust I would have been one of the few brave women and men who had risked their lives to hide Jews. But once I had children of my own this certainty had started to dissipate. It was a disturbing feeling, still I knew that the responsibility of a family and having too much to lose would have prevented me from doing the right and human thing.
Please keep reading in the Times Of Israel
http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/we-do-not-know-what-a-jew-is-we-only-know-men/
