Sunday Moment

A few months back I accepted a new job that has since kept me very busy.

No complaints.  Just very busy.

 

Writing unfortunately took a back seat.

Thoughts about writing would come to mind then I’d forget.

 

Something about work always got into the way.

Today is a conscious mindful effort to sit down and write.

 

How I miss this moment!

Where do I catch up from?

 

A favorite cousin suddenly passed away at age 59.

Dad at 91 has been waking up and thinking about his travels.

 

Having lost a loved one all too soon I told myself, “gotta do this one last time for dad!”

Without hesitation and with doctor’s clearance I booked us a weekend flight to an old haunt.

 

Where I live, a short trip to Hong Kong has always been the next best thing to a long flight.

It’s not going to be an easy getaway because dad requires strict and close attention.

 

Nevertheless, it’s going to be fun and memorable!

Something I’d like to do for dad as time is not so much on his side at his old and tender age.

 

The weekend break will serve me well too.

I tend to get very caught up with the demands of my job.

 

I love it but it eats a lot of my time!

Fortunate in the sense that being single, I can dictate my time.

 

The girls have their own schedules and they aren’t home much of the weekend.

Therefore, keeping myself busy, whether work related or something else, is perfect for me.

 

Just as I am about to take off for the carwash, thought I’d sit down and talk to myself.

So here I am, just sharing bits and pieces of what’s been happening in my life.

 

It’s all good.  I am well. 

Most of all, very grateful for the good fortune and peace I now have in my life.

 

I forgot to post this earlier.

Back now from lunch with dad.

 

Bought him some doughnuts to go with his coffee.

Still have a few hours to go before sunset.

 

Gotta dash out again and finish off what’s left in today’s list.

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Faith and Grace

I think about dad a lot.

I don’t see him as often as I should.

 

There is nothing to explain really.

It’s just the way things are.

 

Yes I know.

I should, I must, I have to.

 

My point is about something else.

I think about Faith and Grace a lot.

 

I do what I can to keep the faith.

I believe that with grace, nothing could ever be lost.

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My Usual Sunday

My father had a fall.

I didn’t realize how bad it was until I saw him over lunch.

Half is face is black and blue.

He says it looked worse when it just happened.

I tried to not look shocked but I was.

His caregiver has been replaced.

 

Dad likes to walk to the kitchen at wee hours for a snack.

I suggested that he keep a bell by his side and ring it before he stands.

I’m sure he was frightened by his fall, although downplays it.

I feel helpless thinking about his situation.

It’s no different from other aging individuals.

I just wish he wasn’t so vulnerable and lonely.

 

Without thinking, he always shrugs off how the food isn’t anything great.

But in reality, it’s delicious!  He eats everything on his plate.

It’s a lot of food and I cannot imagine him wiping out his plate if it isn’t good.

He’s always been the kind of man that complains more than praises.

Maybe it’s a result of his loneliness.

We strolled around the mall after his meal.

 

I wish I wasn’t such a restless person.  

Maybe I’d be able to sit it out a little longer with him.

I had a list of errands to accomplish. 

I’m that kind of person that must tick off my “to do” list for the day.

Otherwise, why carry a list with me.

 

My Sunday ended with thoughts about my father.

Dad is surrounded by caring people who constantly look after him.

But it’s not enough.  He continues to long and look for what’s not possible.

I know that he craves for a life outside family and routine.

Unfortunately, it’s not something that comes easy at his late age.

 

He chooses to remain guarded, searching and hoping for spring to come.

I know he is grateful and appreciative when it comes to family support.

But the sadness remains masked underneath his boredom.

So much I have learned from merely observing him.

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Obligation that Heals

I admit.

There are moments when I don’t feel like obligation.

There are times when I’m exhausted and prefer to do nothing.

 

I admit.

When these moments set in I think about dad.

I don’t feel guilty, I just feel bad that at his old age he’s alone.

 

Not literally, but yes, he is alone.

I took him out to lunch today.

Although it was brief and quiet, I was happy to sit with him.

 

I admit.

I almost didn’t call him.

But then I thought about my duty.

 

I am glad I called.

I had all afternoon to do nothing.

Obligation is not right or wrong.

 

For me, it just is.

It’s an opportunity to pay back gratitude and appreciation.

It’s kindness and compassion.

 

As a child, I do believe I have obligations to fulfill no matter what.

In no way does my father expect such an obligation.

It’s what I believe as a daughter I should do.

 

I admit.

The obligation does put me to test at times.

But it’s short lived.

 

This is a call of duty that I like doing.

Its effects are self-healing.

With healing there is always comfort.

 

 

 

 

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