Sometimes

You just have to let it go and let things be.

Believe that in the end it will all work out as meant to be.

 

Everyone knows what his or her best is.

Not everyone cares to shout it out.

 

Others trust in their own silence.

I should trust in their silence too.

 

If I can trust that I know best, no reason not to trust others’ best.

Sometimes, there is no best, just let it be then.

 

My father’s colleague passed away in his sleep.

The day before he was up and about doing his thing.

 

My father saw him in the hallway and they waved at each other.

The following morning he never woke up.

 

To worry what will happen sometimes gets you nowhere.

It’s easy to plan things but how they turn out is all up in the air.

 

So I’ve heard many times over, “live now, live your best life now.”

What good is worrying about the future if one can’t live well now?

 

Sometimes, even to live well now is difficult.

We all have varying circumstances, thou shall not judge, right?

 

It’s Monday morning and my thoughts are cropping up one by one.

I’m rambling but it helps me to lay my thoughts out as they arise.

 

Sometimes, I over think, over exaggerate, over estimate and I over do.

Time ticks and life just continues to flow.

 

I just need to trust and keep on going toward where my best is.

Not sometimes, but all the time.

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Your Last Day

The Drama Queen announced in a low voice to me, "I start a new year today."

We were in the coffee shop.  She was speaking low because she didn't want to share with others.  The Drama Queen has earned her sobriquet.  While I dealt with my grief and madness last year, I discovered it was relatively shallow.  I blogged about a co-worker, Ian, last year and this year on the great, departed Red Room.  While Death claimed friends and pets from me, he was visited by death a few times, including his long ill Mom, and suffered flood and storm damage along with a fracturing marriage.  Okay, bad, not on the scale of wars in Palestine, Iraq, Afghanistan, or the many other atrocities or disasters, but enough to emotionally eviscerate our first world white men lives.  

Meanwhile, the Drama Queen was dealing with her stuff.  It's sort of the same but more intense.  Husband having an affair.  Separation, house sold, marriage counseling, reconciliation.  Then, a year ago this week, her daughter's fiance stroked out in the drive way at home as an ambulance was on the way, dead at 31. Mother-in-law died a month later, father and step-father died three and four months later, father-in-law, aunt and mother to round it out.  In between, the Drama Queen had her spleen removed in emergency surgery.   Her husband fell on a construction job and ended up slicing open his face, requiring forty seven stitches to close the wound across his forehead and down the side of the face to his ear lobe.  He broke a foot.  She broke a finger and sprained her back.  The deaths of so many elderly members, whose deaths weren't great surprises, except for the aunt, splintered the family along the will lines and exposed fault lines between siblings, creating much needed emotional turmoil.

That's a partial list but serves to demonstrate some of what she endured.  She's ten years younger than me so she and I frequently talked about all she was enduring.  Hearing her issues diminished mine but more, she always accepted them with a dark humor, noting, "Hey, that's how it goes.  It could still be worse."  

We all know it can be worse.  Eventually, though, you gotta decide, what are you going to do with today, and move on with planning tomorrow.  Drama happens.  It's an old idea but today is the first day of the rest of your life.  

Of course, sometimes, the way it seems like it's going, it seems like it might be your last.  

 

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