My father is looking more and more exhausted with dialysis.

That's what eventually happens. 

Fatigue drains him out.

He was briefly confined in the hospital for 3 days last week.

He had trouble breathing.

The X-ray revealed fluid in his lungs despite dialysis.

As I sit and watch him sleep I can see him struggle with breathing.

He  looks uncomfortable.

I can think no further at this point.

He is in good hands and well cared for.

But old age can be unforgiving if not brutal.

Bless my father’s big heart!

The last thing he wants is to be a burden to his children.

Little does he realize how blessed it makes me feel,

That he calls on me when he needs company.

“Only if you feel like, otherwise it’s no problem.”

I guess he does not want me to feel obligated.

I told him to meet me at the neighborhood mall just before noon.

It’s crowded on a Sunday and I want to be sure he is not kept waiting.

There are Sundays that I like to spend alone.

I like doing nothing or doing errands that are not urgent.

I like my silence.

I was looking forward to this Sunday to unwind.

For a moment I hesitated.

Quickly I realized how precious time is with dad.

I gave myself a gentle slap on my face to snap out of my rigidity.

Today would be a good day to ask him about traveling.

He ate well over lunch.

I popped the question about travel.

He says he can take the length of the journey.

He just gets bored on the plane.

It’s seems like a toss up between California and Japan.

I laid out the pros and cons.

While Japan is only a few hours away, dialysis may be tough.

Plus moving around is not as simple as it seems.

After the long journey to California it gets easier.

Santa Monica, Ca. has three dialysis centers in the area.

Very close to where we intend to stay.

Plus the weather in July will be sunny by day and cool at night.

“Let me think about it, I will let you know.”

I think about dad a lot.

I don’t see him as often as I should.

There is nothing to explain really.

It’s just the way things are.

Yes I know.

I should, I must, I have to.

My point is about something else.

I think about Faith and Grace a lot.

I do what I can to keep the faith.

I believe that with grace, nothing could ever be lost.